Brink stepped out of the Bloomberg Tower into the circular driveway between 58th and 59th St. in midtown Manhattan where his driver awaited him in a black Escalade with tinted windows. A beautiful early summer evening was taking shape, and Brink gave some thought to giving his driver the night off and setting out on foot to his next destination. Unfortunately, he knew that going unrecognized in the herd of midtown pedestrians, even in the waning daylight, would be impossible, and he was in no mood to be hassled by idiot celebrity hounds on the street.
Sticking to the original game plan, Brink opened the backdoor of the Escalade to get in and found waiting for him there a beautiful, busty brunette with alabaster skin. In her patent leather pumps and fishnet stockings, she sat cross-legged displaying the full length of a well-toned thigh and even a little more.
"Well, good evening," said Brink, looking into her emerald eyes. She smiled slightly as he entered the car to sit next to her. Then, speaking to his driver without breaking eye contact with the woman, he called out, "Alan, oh Alan, there's a beautiful lady sitting in my car, and I can't imagine how she got here."
"You ordered her online, remember? It was the same day you bought those Prada shoes on Zappos," replied Alan facetiously in a deadpan voice. Alan had been Brink's driver for 15 years, and they'd been through a lot together. Alan was loyal, and he was just about the only person on the planet that Brink could trust. Besides being one of the best-paid drivers in the world, Alan also had the distinction of being just about the only person on Earth who had carte blanche to say anything his heart desired to Richard Brink.
Alan continued, still in his deadpan tone. "Her name is Candy … Candy Kane. Haha, get it."
"It's very nice to meet you, Ms. Kane," said Brink. "My name is Richard, but you can call me … Dick … or Big Dick if you wish."
Candy smiled coyly and said, "Mmm, I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy getting to know you, Big Dick."
"She's spunky, Alan," said Brink to his driver. "I like that."
"Spunky, aloof, outrageous, dirty, domineering, silent, loud, you name it. At the price you paid, Richard, she's anything you want her to be," replied Alan.
"Whoever said money can't buy you love clearly never met the lovely Ms. Candy Kane," said Brink as he moved in closer to his seductive date and put his hand on her thigh.
"That's not love, Richard. That's your boner draining the blood from your brain and making you delusional," called back Alan who was now looking at Brink and Candy in his rearview mirror. The car still hadn't moved an inch from the spot where it had been idling for the past hour or so.
Brink caught him looking and said, "Stop staring, you pervert, and drive the car."
"Sure thing, boss," he replied in a sarcastic voice. "Where are we going tonight -- Papaya's, MickeyDee's, the Chinese takeout place on the corner?"
Brink who now had moved his hand from Candy Kane's mid-thigh to her upper, upper thigh looked at her and said, "Please forgive Alan. He was born with two of the worst afflictions that can befall a man: a small penis and no tastebuds. Can you imagine a date with this man? He picks you up, takes you to some cheap fast-food joint, orders chicken nuggets and onion rings. After dinner, he takes you to his apartment for a nightcap of Bud Lights and old VHS movies from the 80s that he pulls down from a dingy box that he keeps on top of the fridge. You have no choice but to drink to salvage the evening. You're sitting there watching "Raiders of the Lost Ark" and he puts the moves on you. Maybe you're bored because you've seen the movie 39 times, and he's sort of funny and cute, so you let him feel you up a little. Finally the night is going ok, so you reach inside his bleached jeans. That's when your heart stops and you realize you've been on a date this whole time with a butch lesbian who has an oversized clitoris."
"What's 'Readers of the Last Art'?" said Candy Kane.
"Ahh-hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!" burst out Alan.
"What did I say that was so funny?" asked Candy
"Nothing, sweetheart," replied Brink. "He's a little deranged, that's all. Don't pay any attention to him." Then to Alan he announced, "Take us to Michel, you lunatic."